Posts Tagged ‘energy drinks’


I’ve got a new drug, Huey Lewis.

Actually, it’s not a new drug so much as a new way to ingest my favorite drug – caffeine. A way that makes me feel more like an actual drug user. And I’m totally OK with that.

It’s called Mio Energy and, in a nutshell, it’s pure, flavored caffeine that comes in 1-2 oz. squeeze bottles. You just drop some into water and – voila – feel like an honest to goodness living human. It’s not new, just new to me, and I regret waiting so long to get on board. (more…)

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In my unending attempt to act like a real adult, whatever that means in the Self-Entitled Era, I’ve taken up drinking coffee. Sometimes. Sort of.

See, I’m hopelessly addicted to caffeine, and not for reasons related to taste or fun. Rather, I’m a slave to the 24-hour news cycle, a father of roughly 3-5 kids and a narcoleptic. Without caffeine, I’d be a zombie, except without the strength to eat faces. (more…)


A quickie Tapes for this week, as I’m about to pass out from chugging Nyquil to battle a cold I came down with. My wife’s half-a-world away, otherwise she’d make me soup or something. I’d feel bad making her fly all day back from Africa just to heat up some chicken noodle.

Onward:

* I’m linking to two pieces I haven’t read, which is violating an unwritten TVFury rule. Both deal with the case in Ohio when a troubled man let loose his exotic animals before killing himself. Police were forced to shoot tigers and bears and other creatures that had been released. Esquire’s Chris Jones wrote about it, as did GQ’s Chris Heath. I’ve heard both stories are good but quite different. There is also some inside baseball going on as it’s odd for two writers at rivals to be working on a story like this at the same time in the magazine world. This New York Observer article explains some of it. I haven’t read either story because I’m waiting for each magazine in the mail. Old school.

* Bill Simmons did a podcast with his sports hero, Larry Bird. Even as a Lakers fan I enjoyed the piece, primarily because it’s fun listening to a basketball genius like Larry talk hoops, even if you have to wade through way too much talk about the 1986 Celtics and how if Kevin McHale had been healthy in 1987, he would have blocked Magic’s skyhook in Game 4 of the Finals.

* TVFury readers will remember Kevin Van Valkenburg, who did a Fury Files in December. He just started working for ESPN the Magazine but penned a goodbye to his old paper, The Baltimore sun. A good read.

* Up next, not poetry, but candid words from a situation that’s a total cluster: The University of North Dakota nickname debate. Without getting into too much detail, the NCAA deemed the Fighting Sioux bit “hostile and abusive.” Boosters bristled. Laws were changed. And now the issue is threatening to cost the school future conference affiliation.
This story by Tom Miller from the Grand Forks Herald includes the most candid in-house comments maybe ever on the subject. That’s one of the things I miss least about living and working in North Dakota – the potential to be assigned to update that fiasco. It sort of makes me want to jam a pen into my eyeball the way this dude in Fargo once did after his arson-for-insurance scam was uncovered.

* Are you ready for the latest breakthrough in energy-drink can technology? Meet West Coast Chill. It comes equipped with a button that causes the temp of the swill to drop 30 degrees. I think about how much the world needs this every time I work in the office, my soda turning room temp before I can finish it. Yuck. And pouring it into, say, some sort of insulated thermos will make it go flat.
This entry will fit perfectly in my upcoming book, “I would have been totally screwed if I live in the 1800s.”


NOS packs a punch even by energy-drink standards

According to a recent tweet by CNBC sports business reporter Darren Rovell, one of the best follows on Twitter, Americans will spend more money on energy drinks than bottled water for the first time in 2012. You could practically hear the eyes rolling over this development, doctors, health nuts and general haters scoffing at the notion that our nation has gone so far astray in terms of its beverage preferences.

If this shift indeed is a problem, then I’m a part of it. I’ve had roughly two energy drinks today and there’s another dozen – an assortment of Red Bull, Monster, Rockstar, NOS, Venom and the locally grown Shogun – in my fridge just waiting to be hammered.

But before you judge me, take note of what I am not: a meth addict, morbidly obese, an action-sports star, a Jersey Shore cast member or Paris Hilton. Did I miss any other stereotypes of energy drinkers?

What I am is a 32-year-old college grad with a wife, multiple kids (I’ve lost count), a mortgage, a 24-hour-a-day job, a workout addiction and a side blog. Also, I run a daddy daycare 3-4 days a week, keeping tabs of a recovering micro-preemie with extra medical needs. And if that doesn’t justify my caffeine crutch, I also have a mild case of narcolepsy, probably the result of extended sleep deprivation. (Of course, I’m hardly alone on that front – a recent study showed that South Dakotans are among the worst in the country when it comes to getting enough rest.)

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The Tapes might be catching on. Heard the phrase used on the B.S. Report when Bill Simmons was interviewing broadcaster Al Michaels. It caught my attention like when you hear your name from across a crowded room. Were they talking about these tapes? In my mind they were. In my mind, they were:

* A 14-foot trailer filled with 300 cases of energy drinks was stolen in Brookings, S.D. A friend suggested that I might be the culprit given my propensity for super-caffeinated beverages. But, alas, it’s not true. I only wish I was that creative and/or deviant. The best part of the story is the timeframe. The owner is pretty sure the crime took place sometime over the last 11 weeks. How do you not notice a 14-foot trailer packed with energy drinks is missing? Do you have that many of them laying around?

* Sioux Falls is hosting a film fest this week – the second Reel Dakota Film Festival. I didn’t attend the first and I won’t make the second. But it’s not for lack of desire. To me, this qualifies as one of those rare events that gives a medium-sized city a sense of importance and culture. It’s like when an Andy Warhol exhibit comes to town or food trucks gain popularity. For one weekend, we get to pretend that we’re as hip and enlightened as the folks in Tribeca or Park City.

In fact, I’ll argue that the idea is as important as the product in a situation like this. On second thought, maybe that’s a bad idea; it probably breeds posers rather than genuine art and appreciation. Still, I applaud the effort … even if I won’t have an opportunity to applaud any of the films.

* Fury here. This is a nice story courtesy of Michael Rand and his Star Tribune blog Randball about Minnesota Lynx center Taj McWilliams-Franklin, who took the time to visit one of her biggest fans who lives in the small town of Ortonville.

* Here’s a story that’s as depressing as the Taj story is uplifting. It’s from ESPN and is about pro wrestler Scott Hall, whose life has – well, fallen apart seems like such a mild way to put it. When your life is compared to Mickey Rourke’s – whether the real, living Mickey or a character he’s played – you’re not doing well.

* I admit: I really like Rex Ryan. This week he got into more trouble when he said he would have won a few rings if he had been hired as coach of San Diego a few years ago, when the job went to Norv Turner. Cue faux outrage, apologies, explanations and now, lectures from the media and former players who don’t understand why Ryan doesn’t just shut up.

In a league filled with coaches who are so boring it seems like they’ve actually taken four years of classes to learn how to be so dull, Ryan, to me anyway, remains entertaining and a refreshing difference. But columnists like Ian O’Connor write that if he doesn’t win a championship Ryan will be nothing but a joke. And I suppose that’s true. But then, if winning is the ultimate thing, isn’t every coach who doesn’t win a joke? What’s it matter if one talks a lot and another doesn’t? The media hates cookie-cutter answers until they actually get something different, then use it to tell the coach or athlete they should be more…boring. The facts are Ryan has led the Jets to four playoff victories in the past two years, all on the road. By comparison, Bill Belichick has won…zero playoff games the past two seasons. And Ryan’s Jets have won those four games despite having an offense that has apparently not learned that the game has evolved since 1931. The guy can coach. And he can talk. It’s okay to do both.

* Courtesty of The Onion: New Decoy Website Launched to Lure Away All Moronic Internet Commenters.