Posts Tagged ‘2012’

Time to watch The Tapes one last time in 2011. We hardly knew ye … Here’s to an even better 2012. We hope your top resolution is to read TVFury every single weekday:

* Some upstart outlet called The New York Times this week chronicled the great divide in wealth that’s going on in suddenly oil rich western North Dakota. It’s hardly the first or last story on the topic. Based on what I’ve heard and/or read, that side of my boring home state is rife with overcrowding, crime, prostitution and money. To that I say, what the crap?
When I was growing up, it was almost a void – nothing noteworthy really ever happened beyond Bismarck. And now it’s turned into this dirty yet glamorous version of the old west … or Montana’s renegade cousin. The whole thing blows my mind.
If any of the people I know who are working there, likely making six figures, please chime in. Unless, of course, you’re too busy firing guns into the air, smoking $100 bills and whoring.

* You know by now that I’m a sucker for city lists, especially when they incorporate places that I live or used to live. Come to think of it, that just might be the reason for the lists. Hmmm.
Anyway, we’ve got another one to discuss: America’s drunkest cities. Boston tops the list and Sioux Falls comes in at No. 17, not far behind Las Vegas. Really?
Well, for starters, the numbers are skewed by the fact that the study lists SuFu as having 482,254 residents over the age of 21. That’s wrong … by a lot. We have less than half of that when counting people of all ages. Of course, that could mean we’re even more drunk than we appear.
Potential mistakes aside, this surprises me in large part because I consider Sioux Falls to be a town built around young families. Yes, there are plenty of professionals with disposable income, and they like to go out to eat and drink – it’s probably the top form of entertainment. However, I would have figured many Midwest college towns could drink us under the table. Right, Fargo?
For the record, my part in this consists of drinking roughly 1-2 beers per month. And I just realized the other day that I don’t believe I’ve been legally drunk in Sioux Falls city limits since moving here in 2006.

* Fury here. Remember that whole thing where a TV producer blackmailed David Letterman because he knew his old girlfriend had slept with Letterman, and then Letterman confessed the affair on his show, stunning an audience that was there to laugh – and actually did chuckle during the segment, even though Letterman was telling them it was serious – and then Letterman himself participated in the bust of the dude? Well, that guy just got hired by Paula Zahn’s TV show. Joe Halderman will work as…a producer on the crime-show documentary. Guess blackmailing one of the most powerful men in TV does not land one on the blacklist.

* The possible feud – or whatever is happening – between Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook has people bringing up Stephon Marbury’s departure from Minnesota more than a decade ago. In this example, Westbrook is Marbury, Durant is Kevin Garnett, the real superstar, left behind. Here’s an old SI piece when Marbury and Garnett were still together and Minnesota had hope. The story dek: “The Timberwolves twin wunderkinds, Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury, have built what Minnesota hopes is a lasting bond.” Oh well.

* Gawker presents the 46 best viral videos of the year, all in a 2-minute span. With links to the full videos. Cats, videos, creepy men, crying women, cute babies, ugly babies, deep-voiced homeless men, all there.

Dear Mayans:

First, got to be honest – I’m not sure if you exist anymore. But if you do, I hope you are well, have Web access and track down this entry. Why? Because I think you made a miscalculation in that whole end of the world thing. Hear me out before you go and cast a spell or throw me in a snake pit or whatever it is you do to infidels. (You do have infidels, right?)

Clearly, you’re pioneers in the rapture-prediction business – there’s no denying that. There have been a bunch of false alarms lately, and you had the gumption to predict that things would end in 2012, well, a long time before that. Plus, you don’t seem to have any sort of financial stake in the situation unless there’s some sort of “I went down in 2012” clothing line that we don’t know about. So you get extra credit for integrity.

However, I feel like you’re going to come up about two months short. See, there’s this group of Internet hackers (look it up) called Anonymous, and they claim to be preparing to take down Facebook (again, Google it – after looking up Google) on Nov. 5. Pretty sure that will bring an end to us all one way or another.

I mean, how would we be able to tell people what we were planning to have for lunch? What would we do with those pictures of dogs wearing sweaters? Develop them? Bo-ring. No more Farmville? That chaps my hide. Without a forum for making vague, passive-aggressive complaints about my life, I’d probably have to, you know, talk to family members and stuff. No thanks.

Of course, it remains to be seen if these Anonymous folks can be trusted. I mean, they’re also planning some sort of cyber-attack on Fox News the very same day. That seems pretty ambitious. Plus, there have been plenty of other doomsday prophecies (ahem, Harold Camping) and Facebook hoaxes (it remains a free service, unless you count the time it sucks out of you).
On the other hand, they do have a cool Web video – and if that doesn’t lend itself to credibility, nothing does – and a “V for Vendetta” vibe. That was a pretty sweet movie even though Natalie Portman had a shaved head.

So, again, pretty sure God’s green Earth is going to explode or implode or maybe melt in a mess of emotional rants, animated jokes and digital pictures that have no where to go. To be clear, I hope that’s not the case because life is cool. So is Facebook. So are you guys. I mean, my oldest daughter is named Mya, for crying out loud. That’s a fairly solid endorsement, no?

In closing, maybe you’ll be vindicated yet. Perhaps the world will fall to pieces sometime in 2012 just as you predicted. That would be rad, although a bit unfortunate since you would be unable to hold the best “I told you so” ever over the heads of the Incas or the ancient Greeks or those jerks you went to high school with. Fingers crossed. Good talk, Rust.

Uncle T-Bone.