Disgusting discussion

Posted: August 8, 2013 by terryvandrovec in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Horse crap. That’s what I think about finding dog dung in my yard.

It happened Wednesday – actually, it probably happened Tuesday based on the warmth and consistency of the dung I was forced to pick up – I went with the bag-over-hand method – prior to mowing the lawn. Then again, there were three separate piles so maybe the crimes were spread out over multiple days, perpetrated by multiple dogs and devious masters.

But it also happened last month. And that’s why I flew off the handle this time, huffing and puffing and muttering to myself well after the mess had been cleaned, to the point where I started to feel like a bad person – me, the victim. It’s one thing for somebody – a passerby or neighbor – to lose track of their pooch momentarily. But multiple incidents in consecutive weeks? It’s starting to feel egregious.

To be clear, I have nothing against dogs or dog owners and am willing to concede that most public doodoo is disposed of properly. Yet that doesn’t cover the stink created by a relatively small lot of offenders.

I have elected not to own a dog for a variety of reasons, including the clean-up requirements; I’ve got enough on my plate with four children – three of them still in diapers. No wet puppy kisses and companionship and no outdoor excrement; that is my arrangement of choice.

Except now the latter is being forced upon me – and my kids. The two oldest spend a good chunk of the all-too-short summer playing in the front yard, sometimes sans shoes. They should be allowed to do that without fear of stepping in excrement, no?

To that end, some dog owners compare kids and canines in terms of being objects of the utmost affection. OK, cool. I respect that. It’s just that no matter how messy or loud my kids can be, under no circumstance would they be allowed to drop trow and poop in a random yard. If for some reason they managed to pull off that strange feat, I most certainly would clean it up rather than leaving it behind for somebody else.

This conversation is not about dookie – at least, not really. It’s about the most basic social code, common courtesy. We have to be able to count on one another not to leave animal feces outside our doors. Have. To.  Just as the social code requires that I pick up the funk you left behind –because if you won’t touch it and I won’t touch it, eventually we’ll all be buried in it. Accountability is what prevents that.

In fact, let’s approach the question from a different direction. It seems highly unlikely that anyone thinks leaving dog crap in someone else’s yard is perfectly acceptable. But it continues to happen, meaning the offenders are lazy or self-involved or malicious. Then again, maybe they’re plum out of plastic bags. If that’s the case, and your dog takes a dump on my grass, please just knock on my door and ask for a bag; I’ll gladly provide one – nay, a handful – of them.

On second thought, maybe I’m making a mountain out of a Maltese hill. My bad for expecting humans to behave better than animals.

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Comments
  1. Mike says:

    I am totally with you. We live on a corner (complete with fire hydrant) and have four kids that like to play in the yard. I finally ran after a chronic dog poop and run duo and offered a plastic bag and they sheepishly came back and cleaned it up. My wife thinks this might escalate into the famous scene from “Me, Myself, and Irene” when Hank finally decides it is payback time.

    • The scene where Jim Carrey pees sideways? Kidding. And I can’t believe that I remember multiple scenes from that movie. Good on you for running down perps; it’s a more mature response than, say, hurling the evidence at them.

  2. […] GET (YOUR DOG POOP) OFF OF TERRY’S LAWN One day someone’s dog did its business on Terry’s lawn. And then the dog did it again. And then Terry wrote a rant. […]

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