By Rich Jensen
It was a bright warm day in September and the clocks were striking 13.
Texas A&M was in the SEC and Texas A&M was in the Big 12.
Nineteen Eighty-Four has come to college football, and it seems appropriate to provide a dictionary which will allow the average college football fan to translate the doublespeak coming from ADs, presidents, commissioners and coaches:
Accountable: Exempt (http://articles.latimes.com/2011/aug/17/sports/la-sp-miami-ncaa-turmoil-20110818 )
Athletic Director: Primarily responsible for the performance of the football team (http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/2007-10-15-pederson-fired_N.htm )
Big Ten: A twelve team conference (at least for now)
Big Twelve: A ten team conference (at least for now)
Booster: One who discredits a university by supporting it (http://sports.yahoo.com/investigations/news?slug=dw-why_miami_is_in_trouble_081611 )
Campus: Collection of buildings in the general vicinity of the football stadium. Students sometimes attend classes there when not engaged in football related activities (http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2011/08/30/Paternoville_holds_first_meeting.aspx )
Coach: Primarily responsible for the performance of the football team
Committed: Undecided (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=5286672 )
Compliance Department: The department which approves rules infractions (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/741592-college-football-2011-recruiting-news-predictions-rankings-and-more/entry/107808-ohio-state-football-jim-tressel-compliance-reviews-show-clear-warning-signs )
Enhanced Visibility: More TV money (http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/2010-10-11-colorado-pac-10_N.htm )
Increased Opportunities: More TV money (http://www.coloradodaily.com/ci_15285404?source=most_viewed#axzz1XNAuaKmW )
In Our Best Interests: More TV money (http://www.theeagle.com/am/Texas-A-M-and-SEC2011-08-31T08-15-47 )
NCAA: A rule enforcing body that profits from cheaters (http://www.statesman.com/sports/no-uconn-postseason-ban-but-coach-calhoun-suspended-1274373.html http://www.ncaa.com/news/basketball-men/2011-04-04/uconn-wins-national-championship )
President: Primarily responsible for the performance of the football team (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/columns/story?columnist=schlabach_mark&id=6195223 )
Sanction: To discipline one person for the conduct of another (http://content.usatoday.com/communities/campusrivalry/post/2011/08/miami-responsibility-al-golden-ncaa-investigation-/1 )
Student-Athlete: An athlete who does not attend classes (http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2007/10/02/fraud )
Traditional: Disposable ( http://www.statesman.com/sports/longhorns/losing-aggies-horns-rivalry-would-be-bad-for-1752458.html )
Soon the college landscape will be dominated by three major football conferences, and in true Orwellian fashion, their continued jockeying for supremacy will ensure a measure of stability, at least until TV revenues start to dry up: http://arstechnica.com/media/news/2010/08/subscriber-growth-suddenly-stops-for-cable-tv-industry.ars
So, get used to the doublespeak, the barefaced lies and the hypocrisy – if you’re not used to it already.
About the author: Jensen is a very smart guy and often applies that to sports. That is all.